I woke up late that morning
With Satan sitting in my bed
I was lying there naked
And he was all dressed in red
I aked him very politely
I asked him to leave my room
I started to get a little pissed
That's when he tried to give me a kiss

I never felt so confused
You know, I felt so goddam used
So I pushed him to the floor
That's when he ran crying out the door

Lucifer, I love you
Just not in that way
You know I have a girlfriend who
Is much better looking than you

I was sitting at home that Thursday night
Watching "Must See TV"
The phone it started ringing
And I wondered, "Who could it be?"
I picked it up and I said, "Hello"
And then he started screaming at me
"You signed this contract in blood, man
So I command you to sleep with me"

Chorus

Now Satan I won't deny it
I sold my soul to you, this is true
But even though I'm gonna burn in hell
It don't mean that I'll have sex with you

Chorus

The other night he showed up at my house
He was all pissed off and drunk
He was acting so jealous and mean
And then he started to cause a scene
After he burned a pentagram in the lawn
My girfriend, she called the cops
They showed up and they hauled him away
And they beat him up because he was gay

Lucifer, I love you
Just not in that way
It just seems so damn wierd
Who would have thought the Devil would be queer